I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
