So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
