Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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