I wish my penis had an off switch
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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