I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
