But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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