I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Houston, we have a squirter
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
