The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
