Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
