your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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