Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
