I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
