I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
