I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
two words...techno handjob
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
