I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
