soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
