He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
