remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
