I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Never joke about your clitoris.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
