I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
