Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
