I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She is in my trunk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
