My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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