I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
