i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
