you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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