my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She even gives head with a lisp.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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