her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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