he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
