he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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