When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
