i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
