My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
