God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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