its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
