I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
