its not stalking. its research.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
