you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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