how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
