You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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