you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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