The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
