Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
