You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just made out with a guy for $7.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
