I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
