Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
