Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
