i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
