your room smells of hookers.
And success
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
