I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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