Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
