Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
